Scorn for the Porn: Combat PTSD & Hypersexuality
As a writer about Combat PTSD, I spend a lot of my days and nights not only perfecting my craft but also looking at what others are saying about the subject. I belong to many groups that are in support of the wives and girlfriends of Combat Vets. Overwhelmingly, one of the biggest complaints that I see on these forums is that the Warriors are obsessed with pornography. Often, the partner views the perusal of the porn sites as (gasp!) CHEATING!
Wait! What? These guys are cheating? But how can one cheat with no physical contact?
That's a pretty good question actually. It's one that I ponder when I read these stories. I, mean, I guess you could put yourself in the victim mentality and consider it cheating. He is seeing other women naked. He is getting a sexual thrill out of it. He is spending time with another woman (or women) and neglecting you even though it's only in virtual reality.
But stop! Hold the phone! No reason to get yourself (and your bff who you are dying to call) into a tizzy again.
Let's explore WHY your Warrior has a penchant for XXX entertainment. There is a school of thought that believes that Combat Veterans brains HAVE CHANGED from being in Combat. You see, being in a heightened state of alert for days if not months at a time has an effect on the amygdala of the brain. There's even brain scans to prove that this has occurred.
What is this "amygdala" thing exactly?
Here's the answer for the not-scientifically minded (like me):
The Quick Facts
Location: Part of Limbic System, at the end of the hippocampus
Function: Responsible for the response and memory of emotions, especially fear
Okay, so now that we have that out of the way, let's figure out what this has to do with our Warrors and their overwhelming penchant for Pornhub. Apparently, this "amygdala" thing has a lot to do with memories (both good and bad) and it also has a tendency to become accustomed to stimulation. Yes, this includes THAT KIND of stimulation. Sexual stimulation. Self gratification. Spanking the Monkey. Flogging the Dolphin. Whatever you want to call it. Basically, what happens is that post-Combat, Mr. Amygdala is kind of an excitement junkie and likes to keep things interesting. However, that trip to the outdoor mall isn't exactly "doing it" for him. So, he tells your Warrior to go find some excitement.
What's more exciting than watching a few naked women doing some naughty things?
Yeah, I get it. It doesn't exactly flip my skirt (pardon the pun) either. However, I'm not a guy. I'm not a Warrior. I don't have PTSD. Enough said. To your Warrior though, it does provide a thrill - and a pretty harmless one at that. He's seeking thrills but they're pretty benign actually. First off, they're generally one-sided. Ms. 34DDD isn't exactly coming out of the iPhone to sit on his lap. Secondly, it keeps his mind off of other things (like committing violence) and lastly, he really isn't doing much to hurt you. Not on purpose anyways.
If it's not so bad, why does it hurt then?
Good question. I'll be more than happy to answer it too. By nature, we are jealous creatures. I truly mean that. BY NATURE. You see, there's a part of your brain that is responsible for the green-eyed monster that is better known as jealousy.
Here's the answer for the not-scientifically minded (like me):
The Quick Facts
Location: Frontal and upper area of the cortex
Function: Carries out higher mental processes such as thinking, decision making, and planning
Hmmm....did you just read what I did? HIGHER MENTAL PROCESSES SUCH AS THINKING AND DECISION MAKING. Well, what's that got to do with me, you ask? If you just look at the SCIENCE involved, it would go to follow that you are making a CONSCIENCE decision to be jealous and angry?
No, I'm not. He's a freaking, cheating jerk!
Well, let's see. Your Warrior has an illness that makes him do a lot of messed up shit. He's afraid of fireworks. He jumps out of his skin if he doesn't hear you come up behind him. He will watch the same war movie over and over. He acts weird when he sees blood. He screams at you and the kids FOR NO REASON. He has hoarding and prepping behaviors. He works constantly or won't work at all. He hates crowds. He hates loud music. Should I go on?
You, on the other hand, have your act together. You're a good mom. You're a good wife. You don't scream at people for no reason. You love the fireworks shows. You enjoy a good concert. You like to watch the same movie - about once every five years. You hold down a job. You hold down a household. You might have a touch of codependency but overall, you've definitely got your shizznit together. Yeah, it's definitely a CONSCIENCE DECISION because you are not MENTALLY ILL.
Why CAN'T pornography obsession be another symptom of Combat PTSD?
It absolutely, definitely, without a doubt CAN BE! It's yet ANOTHER symptom of the monster that we all know and hate - Combat PTSD! You see, your Warrior's amygdala CRAVES excitement and one of the least volatile and violent forms of getting excited comes in the form of pornography and sexual stimulation. Sure, it's annoying. However, do you REALLY think it is something to leave him over?
But if he loved me, he would just stop!
Sure. It's that easy to control. All he needs to do is open his Bible that you got him for Christmas and he will be magically cured of this obsession. Do you hear the sarcasm in my voice? Because I do, even as I type this. Pornography addiction WHEN CAUSED by PTSD isn't something that you can get on your knees for and pray away.
There is something that you can do on your knees that I can think of...
You see, if YOU really loved him, you'd maybe try to be more accommodating with this obsession. Maybe YOU will go buy some thigh highs. Maybe YOU will go to the toy store with him. I'm not talking Toys R US either. Maybe YOU will make a conscience decision to not let that green eyed monster whisper in YOUR ear and try to salvage your relationship. I mean, you do love him, don't you?
He is a brave and noble man - that happens to like porn a little too much. No biggie, right? It' s not the end of the world. Not like a divorce would be to your kids.
Think about that for a moment before you go call your BFF and tell her all about how you caught him with his pants down (literally) again.
My name is Leilani. I am the star in my partner's fantasies. My partner has Combat PTSD.
