My PTSD was not for FREE!

When you have something REALLY BAD happen to you, you might get something that I call the "Monster". It's also known by a more familiar name. It's more commonly known as PTSD. Since acquiring this nasty little tidbit of a mental disorder, there have been many opinions/thoughts/ideas that I have heard from others that I think I would like to expand on and explain.

Here are some common myths about PTSD:

Military Veterans Are the Only Ones Who Get PTSD.

PTSD Is a Chronic Condition That Can’t Be Treated Effectively.

Everyone Who Has PTSD Is Prone to Violent Behavior.

If Trauma Happened Long Ago, You’re Automatically ‘Over It’.

Having PTSD Is a Sign of Weakness

Let's address these common misconceptions one by one. It's going to get a little hairy up in here so be ready. Put on your Combat Boots. Shit's about to GO DOWN!

MILITARY VETERANS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN GET PTSD.

First off, let me start by saying that Military Veterans ARE NOT the only ones who get PTSD. Frighteningly, it can happen to everyone. Even those of us who have never been to war. While there are many ways that someone can get PTSD, some of the most common ways to acquire it are through sexual trauma, car accidents, witnessing a traumatic event like a cardiac arrest of a loved one or being in situations where you felt like your life was at risk or that you were helpless.

Okay, now that we have that cleared up, let's go even one step further. Many of you know that going to war can expose you to many of the above mentioned scenarios. However, there's those of us that have never been to war and have had things like this happen to us. It's not surprising that one of the largest groups of people that have PTSD are partners of Wounded Warriors.

But, I've never been to war. Or have I?

Something that most of us that have ever dealt with a Wounded Warrior has had to an endure is a battle. Granted, it's not the type of battle where we are pulling out our Rifles and strapping on our pistols, but we have been in a War. A War with the Monster that is better off known as PTSD.

You see, when you are in fight for the life of someone you love, you are constantly being bombarded by threats. The threat of mental health episodes. The threat of explosive tempers. The threat of substance abuse. The threat of financial problems. The threat of suicide.

All of these threats do not make for a "normal" life. We are constantly in a battle to not only save our homes but also to save the one that we made a home with. This often makes for quite the nasty tossed salad of an emotional roller coaster.

PTSD IS A CHRONIC CONDITION THAT CAN'T BE TREATED EFFECTIVELY.

I think the keyword here is "effectively" and not "chronically". I'll explain why. One of the reasons that we have PTSD is because something REALLY BAD happened to us. Whether it be something as traumatic as a rape or witness to a suicide or something less innocuous like witnessing a heart attack, the main components of these events is fear and feeling helpless. Fear that our lives are at risk. Feeling helpless that there is nothing that we can do.

Do I believe that PTSD is a chronic condition? Why, yes, I do. Reason being is that almost everyone that I have ever witnessed with it has been suffering for years after the trauma. Many getting worse and worse, year after year. Often times, those left untreated end up committing suicide. However, that doesn't have to be the case. With EFFECTIVE treatment, the symptoms will diminish and sufferers will have fewer and fewer "triggering" episodes.

"What's a 'triggering' episode?" you ask?

Good question. It can actually be anything for anyone. However, the two most common components are feeling threatened and feeling helpless. Getting yelled at by a customer = trigger. Having a fight with your significant other = trigger. Getting into a car accident = trigger. Being reprimanded by your boss = trigger. Getting a prank phone call = trigger. Like I said, it can be anything and everything. "Pulling the trigger" on someone with PTSD is kind of like not putting the safety on your gun. It might accidentally be discharged. Same things goes for those of us with PTSD, ANYTHING that we view as negative might be a potential "trigger".

Having said this, EFFECTIVE treatment is the only way to reduce these triggering episodes. Notice how I stressed EFFECTIVE? The reason for that is, TELLING YOURSELF (OR YOUR LOVED ONE) TO JUST GET OVER IT is about as EFFECTIVE as trying to whistle with a mouthful of cereal. All you will end up with is a big mess and more than likely, drool spilling down your chin.

Effective treatments come in many forms, however, the most EFFECTIVE way to treat PTSD is through therapy with a counselor who is trained in addressing PTSD. In other words, don't go to your marriage counselor to treat your PTSD. Would you go to your gynecologist to address your psoriasis? Probably not.

EVERYONE WHO HAS PTSD IS PRONE TO VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.

No, no, no, no! Not everyone who has PTSD is violent. In fact, a lot of people with PTSD are quite the opposite. They don't hate everyone else. They hate themselves. Sure, they get angry. However, the anger is often directed inwardly. They don't hurt other people. They often, sadly, end up hurting themselves.

Violence is often associated with PTSD because that makes the headlines. The person that hurts themselves at home doesn't make the news. However, the Combat Vet that tried to gun down 5 police officers will most definitely cause quite a stir. Don't believe the hype. If you know someone with PTSD, don't be afraid to befriend them. They're not going to go "off their rocker" one day and hurt you. In fact, most of us wouldn't hurt a fly.

The one thing to understand in those of us with PTSD is that we have two things in our brains going on at once when we are triggered. It is called the "flight or fight" response. Notice how I wrote OR? Yeah, well, that's how most people react to trauma. They either fight or run away. Not us. We are our own kind of special.

In people with PTSD, they BOTH go off at once.

What it feels like to me is that I want to throat punch someone and run away at the same time. It's quite the confusing feeling and often leads to high levels of anxiety. Which in turn, can host a variety of negative reactions which can vary from crying to screaming to hiding to getting violent. However, violence is the exception and not the norm.

IF TRAUMA HAPPENED LONG AGO, YOU'RE AUTOMATICALLY "OVER IT"

I truly wish this was the case. I truly do. The problem with PTSD is that "time doesn't heal all wounds". In fact, it gets WORSE and NOT BETTER with time if left untreated. PTSD is a bona fide mental disorder. Not a souvenir that someone picked up in college after being raped or in Iraq or Afghanistan. It's a TRUE mental illness.

To further expand, I think that one would feel that it's unreasonable to have bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia just "go away" without medication or treatment. Why is it so hard to believe that PTSD is something that someone can NOT just "get over"?

It is not something that you can will to leave. No more than we can wish that our loved one with bi-polar not be sick anymore. Sure, it would be much easier and we would have a lot less suicides if someone could just wish it away. However, that is NEVER the case. People with PTSD need treatment. And lots of it!

I'll say it one more time for the people in the back. People with PTSD need treatment. And lots of it!

HAVING PTSD IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS

This is THE MOST DEADLY misconception about this illness. Those of us that have PTSD are not weak. In fact, we are quite the opposite. We have been through a war. It could be an emotional war. It could be an actual war. However, it is a war nonetheless. We have experienced things that many have never had to go through in their lives.

We have found our loved ones dead from a gunshot wound to the head. We have been raped. We have been through a war. We have watched helplessly while our loved one dies. We have almost died ourselves.

Always remember, we have looked adversity in the face and are still here to tell about it!

Having PTSD doesn't make you weak. It is very unfortunate. In fact, it is a damn shame. But it doesn't make you weak. However, as shameful as this all is, it doesn't have to be this way. We, as a society, must learn to not ostracize those that suffer from this Monster.

We must have the courage and tenacity to not only view it as a stripe of honor but also as medal of strength for being subjected to something so horrendous that it has left a lifelong impression on us. PTSD is not for the weak of will. Having PTSD is living through a tremendous trauma and having the emotional wherewithal to not only grasp what happened to us but also the intelligence to realize that what happened wasn't fair.

Unfortunately, life isn't fair. Or free. It always costs you something. Sometimes it's your mental health.

My name is Leilani. I once was a Warrior Lover. I now am a Warrior Widow. The PTSD monster jumped from my Warrior to me.