When You Wish Upon a Rock Bottom...
One of the predominant themes of posts that keeps popping up on the forums is substance abuse amongst our Warriors. I'm reading post after post about how us Warrior Lovers are VERY concerned with our Warriors drinking habits. "He's drinking himself to death", they cry! Then other Warrior Lovers comment and provide support and start talking about "rock bottom".
What exactly is "rock bottom"?
This is a question that anyone that's ever loved an addict will ask. However, there really isn't an answer. If you Google it, you'll find articles that say "everyone's rock bottom is different" and then we go on the idea of hoping that TODAY will be the day that the proverbial "rock bottom" has hit. However, as most of us know that have ever been in a relationship with an addict, this day of enlightenment rarely comes.
What if there is no such thing as "rock bottom" for some?
You see, there's this belief in people that have never witnessed the worst of addiction that believe EVERYONE has a "rock bottom" and that person will finally "see the light". However, this isn't always the case.
People love a winner.
That's why you hear so many success stories about people who overcome their addictions. They're the ones who earn their "one year sobriety coin chips" and live to tell about it. Sadly, there's many that do not. You don't hear about them too much after the funeral though.
What's this got to do with anything?
False expectations. And false encouragement. You see, we LOVE to give others proverbial "high fives". We love to say "you go girl" and feel like we've done our job in supporting each other. However, it doesn't end there. While we are busy with our own lives after we said our peace and gave our encouragement, the curtain closes on the other party. They are now living with the death of the addict.
But I was doing my best to be supportive.
Yup, I get it. You were. However, those of us in "support land" need to accept the truth that so many medical professionals need to learn how to do in their careers. They need to learn how to "break the bad news".
It's easy to say "when he hits rock bottom"...
It's not easy to say, "When your Warrior, Lover, Husband, and Best Friend dies from his addictions, I will be there for you."
This really isn't a conversation that anyone of us wants to have.
I know I don't want to have it. However, I've "been there, done that" as the receiver of it. My TRUE friends spoke that to me when I was with an end-stage alcoholic before I met my Warrior. I thought they were being mean. I KNEW, JUST KNEW that "rock bottom" would hit. And he would save himself.
He didn't.
He drank himself "to death" until the day he was arrested and thrown in prison for felony DUI and probation violation. Had he not gotten incarcerated, he would be dead by now.
It's still early, as my mother used to say.
You see, FORCED sobriety isn't exactly sobriety. It's not a conscious act of wanting to change your life. It's an act based on fear. However, once the fear disappears, it's no longer a fine day to stay sober. It's a fine day to go back to the "comfort zone" of being tipsy.
What's a Warrior Lover to do?
That's a good question. I can only give you my own personal take on it. Live like he is dying. Because in all reality, he is.
My name is Leilani. I am a codependent. My partners Combat PTSD has NOTHING on SUICIDE by substance abuse.
