Domestic Violence and the Combat Veteran - Don't Do It!
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One of the things that I do on the regular is peruse the forums on Facebook for ideas for my writing. Once in awhile, I will come across something that REALLY speaks to me as a topic that I need to write about. The other day, I came across one that had a bunch of mixed comments, however the need for it to be expanded upon and understood became abundantly clear. The topic is Domestic Violence.
An anonymous poster asked a group moderator to post what happened to her and was seeking advice. Long story short, her Warrior was triggered and kept her baby from her and when she finally got back in the house, he tried pushing her away and she slapped him. Repeatedly. Needless to say, he choked her out. The police came and he know is facing a mandatory separation from his family and caught a case.
The comment ranged from anywhere to "YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CALL THE COPS ON HIM" TO "I'M SURPRISED YOU HIT HIM AND ARE ALIVE TO TELL ABOUT IT". There really weren't too many that were in between or of any particular value to the poster.
So what's the right thing to do?
I think for us to be able to intelligently talk about this, we need to first examine what we need to look for to determine if our Warrior is triggered. Mine has a look in his eye. It reminds me of a dog that's ready to bite. He's also very anxious and has to find SOMETHING to do with his hands. Those are the two things that I recognize that tell me to go into"orange alert status". An eruption is possible.
What does your Warrior look like in a triggered state?
Secondly, let's assess WHY he choked her out. She hit him. I think that's pretty easy to determine. However, we need to take it one step further.
What goes through a Combat Veteran's mind when he's faced with violence?
In the article "10 Things That Your Combat Veteran Wants You to Know" on the website spousebuzz.com, it states: "When the training becomes second nature, a warrior might take any adrenaline rush as a cue to 'apply maximum firepower.'" I think that this is what happened in this case. She hit him and his ability to determine massive threat from minor annoyance was compromised. He reacted with an inappropriate response to an inappropriate situation. Essentially, there was two people that needed to know how to keep their hands to themselves.
Should she have called the police?
In my opinion, emphatically NO. She was GOING PSYCHO (by her own admission) and was in her CV's face. He wasn't doing anything to harm the baby. He was just keeping the baby from her. Granted, this would be frustrating, but maybe he had a valid reason for doing so. LIKE HER GOING PSYCHO. However, I wasn't there to witness it but she did mention that others were telling her to calm down. This leads me to believe that they got in a fight and she was playing Drama Queen.
I would venture to say that I would ONLY call the police if I felt that my life or someone else's was threatened. This doesn't appear to be the case. She went after him and he throttled her. If he wanted her dead, she would have been.
What happens when you do call the cops in a Combat Vet domestic violence situation?
Nothing good. First, let's keep in mind that Combat Vet's are TRAINED KILLERS. Guess who has this at the forefront of their minds as well? The police do. Secondly, what's a stereotypical view of a Combat Vet? That they're crazy. This has been the predominant mentality since Vietnam. What do local law enforcement do in a situation that they think will have a high propensity for violence? Often, they will call in the SWAT team.
What's the SWAT TEAM going to do?
Hopefully, they will attempt to arrest the CV with no further violence. However, they're not there to have a friendly little chat. They're there to kill the CV, if needed. SWAT stands for "Special Weapons and Tactics". They definition of SWAT team is: A unit within a police force that is trained to deal with situations of unusual danger, especially when requiring aggressive tactics or enhanced firepower, as in rescuing hostages, thwarting terrorist attacks or assassinations, and subduing heavily armed suspects.
Like I said, they're not there to shoot the breeze.
You see, law enforcement is AFRAID of Combat Veterans - and with good reason. Combat Vets are highly trained killers. Combat Vets often have lots and lots of guns. Combat Vets also have something else in their "arsenal". They were good at war. How do I know? They're still around to tell you about it. If they sucked at it, they'd be dead.
What's the worse thing that can happen by you calling the police on a Combat Vet?
Sadly, there's been more than once occurrence where the police have shot down a triggered Combat Vet. So yes, THE WORST THING that can happen to your partner is DEATH. Now wouldn't it be a shame if your Warrior survived Fallujah only to be shot down in Fairfax? Yeah, that's what I think too!
Should you EVER hit a Combat Veteran?
Um, HELL NO. One thing that we, as Warrior Lovers, need to keep in mind is that hitting a trained killer isn't a good idea. That hitting a trained killer may cause a Combat Vet to be triggered. Hitting a trained killer more than likely won't end well. Also, that we shouldn't hit ANYBODY much less a person that has MAD SKILLS at hurting people. It's generally not a good idea to provoke them.
What can you do instead?
Let your fingers do the walking. I have a few of the "Brothers in Arms" phone numbers. When I notice times of high anxiety, I shoot them a text and ask them to give him a call. You'd be amazed at how calming it is for him to talk to them!
What happens next?
Well, since the cops were called, the Warrior will have to go through a court case. Secondly, since there was a child involved, I'm sure that they are also running the risk of having CPS come out as well. Like I said, NOTHING GOOD will become of this scenario - except maybe the two of them will learn how to keep their hands to their selves next time.
My name is Leilani. I would rather eat an insect than hit my partner. Or go sky diving without a parachute. My partner has Combat PTSD.
