Lesson for Today: You Cannot Teach PTSD a Lesson
One thing that has become alarmingly clear in my communications with other Warrior Lovers and what I read about in the news regarding our Wounded Warriors is that a lot of what people are doing to keep the PTSD at bay is to try put a restrictions on it.
This clearly isn't working.
A wife states "If I catch him looking at porn one more time, I'm leaving." He looks at it anyways. A judge will order a Warrior to put some siding on the house. It will remain un-sided.
Why can't they just listen to us?
Good question. And I have a good answer for you too. Because it is a MENTAL ILLNESS. Combat PTSD is not a souvenir that a Warrior brought back from Iraq or Afghanistan that can easily be lost or given away. It is a LIFELONG illness.
Don't believe me?
Let's take a look at another mental disorder. Let's look at the one now called "alcohol use disorder" or more commonly known as "alcoholism".
What's this got to do with PTSD?
Actually, besides the fact that it can be a co-occurring disorder in PTSD, it also has another commonality. You can't just give it away. There's a reason that people have three, four, five and even six drunk drivings. It's a simple reason too. An alcoholic cannot see that the simple answer to not getting drunk drivings is to not drink.
In fact, they will make up every reason in the world to drink.
I had a shitty day today. My boss is an asshole. My wife always nags me. The kids don't listen. The dog doesn't listen. You see, there's ALWAYS a reason for a drink with an alcoholic.
In PTSD, there's ALWAYS a reason to not get help.
The porn isn't hurting anybody. They will take away my guns if I admit to having it. I didn't mean to choke my wife during a night terror. I've survived Combat, this is nothing. I am not as bad as other guys. I don't feel like hurting anybody else - just myself.
Here's another commonality for ya.
The way that both of these problems are treated by society are by imposing consequences. If the Warrior has one more episode the wife is leaving. If the alcoholic blows dirty, he will be thrown in jail.
The problem with this kind of thinking is that we are trying to teach a lesson to an illness - a MENTAL ILLNESS.
Commonly, one might describe a mental illness as something that causes someone to do things that don't make sense. Like a man with a beard driving down the street on his bike with a "Dora the Explorer" backpack and bikini top on. If you've ever been in Fort Myers, Florida, you've probably seen who the locals call "Tranny Santa". He's a bona fide mentally ill person and his apparel and demeanor pretty much attest to this.
But what about most Combat PTSD sufferers?
Until they have an episode, they look just like everyone else. Maybe that's what our problem is though. We look at our Wounded Warriors and think we can "teach their PTSD a lesson" by imposing dire consequences for SYMPTOMS of their mental illness.
The wives threaten to leave and take the kids. The judge threatens to imprison. Blah. Blah. Blah. Nothing but consequences that for some reason, a Warrior's mind refuses to process.
Seeing as this isn't working, what will?
Instead of imposing consequences, why cant we impose "positives"? Why can't we not use ultimatums and start using positive circumstances to help our Wounded Warriors in the battle with PTSD?
Instead of threats to leave, wouldn't it be better to say, "If you seek therapy for your PTSD, your night terrors will cease, you'll feel better and you won't drink so much?" or "I understand that you are suffering from PTSD, we are going to contact Wounded Warrior Project and get you some help. No fines will be imposed today."
Is that soooo fricckn hard? It isn't.
However, we think that we are going to teach that damn PTSD a lesson. The facts are, you cannot. No more than we can tell "Tranny Santa" that "Dora the Explorer" backpacks are made for kids. He's mentally ill. He won't listen anyways.
My name is Leilani. My boyfriend suffers from Combat PTSD. His wounds are invisible and his PTSD is unteachable.
