Dear Combat Vet With PTSD (What Your Wife/Partner Wants You to Know)
Dear Warrior,
Let me introduce myself. My name is Leilani. Like your wife, I too, am the partner of a Warrior that suffers from Combat PTSD. In a lot of ways, we have the same mission. We want to see you get better. Unlike your wife, I write about your disorder and talk to lots of other Warriors about what's going on with it.
Because my Warrior and I are older, we don't have lot of external distractions that you may have. We don't have little kids. We don't have young hormones. We don't have a lot of the issues that face you everyday. Only one of us has a job. I bet you can guess which one that is too.
Regardless, we all have one thing in common. There's a monster living underneath all of our beds. We all call him Combat PTSD.
Back to the original point of this letter, which is, after talking to several Warrior Lovers, what your wife wants you to know.
She wants you to know that she loves you. That's first and foremost.
However, there's other things that need to be discussed. And seeing as it's just you, me and PTSD; let's be really frank here.
Both you and your Monster need to hear what I have to say.
Next, she wants you to know she's SICK AND TIRED of having to pick up your slack. She's sick of you not helping to take care of the kids. She's sick of you not helping around the house. She's sick of you not being able to do a damn thing for yourself.
I don't blame her.
She's also sick of the way you treat her. You call her names. You look at porn. You talk to other girls. In essence, you give her ZERO respect. Yet, you are the one that KNOWS that without her, you will have nothing. No wife. No kids. No place to call home.
Why are you doing this to yourself?
You get mad when she acts like your "Mommy" yet all you want to do is act like her child. Or maybe I should say "her patient". You are the one that needs a "nurse" to dole out your medication because you are too irresponsible to take it without her guidance. You are the one who can't hold down a job. You are the one that drinks too much and flies off the handle.
How can you reasonably expect her to act like anything more than a nurse? You have succeeded in turning your home into an insane asylum. Yet you're mad about the caregiver/patient relationship?
Has it ever occurred to you that if you didn't act like you need help, that maybe you wouldn't feel like you're living with your mommy or your nurse. There's a name for that behavior too.
It's called codependency.
And yes, thanks to your actions, she's now got it. Or maybe she had it to begin with? Does it really matter at this point? She's only doing what you taught her to. It's called taking care of you.
I know. She's nothing but a nag. She wants you to go to counseling. She wants you to pick up the kids instead of playing X-BOX. All she ever does is ask you to do things. Nag. Nag. Nag.
The reason she nags is because her anxiety level is high.
She's dealing with kids. She's dealing with life's little problems. She's also dealing with a grown man who can't take care of himself when it comes to life's little problems.
However, he can take care of himself when it comes to other things.
Like figuring out how to use his phone to meet new women. He's usually pretty good at that. He's also good at finding the nearest liquor store. He's also good at finding a bag of weed. Yet, when he's faced with other adult responsibilities, he has NO IDEA of what to do with them.
Ironic, isn't it?
Yeah, I think so too. It's pretty amazing that a person that's supposedly 100% disabled due to PTSD can figure out how to get into all kinds of trouble but can't figure out how to NOT blow his marriage up. Go figure.
I've got a little secret for you.
I know PLENTY of Combat Vets that have gone through some pretty tough things in life. They've killed people. Just like you. They've suffered from alcoholism. Just like you. They've had their own share of failed marriages and lives filled with regret. Just like you.
But they did something that you aren't doing.
They got help. They brought their ass to counseling for their minds to follow. They had COURAGE to try and make a CHANGE. And they did. That's why they are still around to tell me about it.
You see, this monster that's living under your bed and inside of your head is a liar. He will tell you all kinds of things that you don't need to listen to. He will tell you that counseling isn't worth your time. He will tell you that it won't make you feel better. He will tell you to do things that you know better than to do.
He might even make you act crazy one day.
That's your wife's biggest fear too. Although she will never tell you that. Why should she? To speak it just might make it real. That's the last thing she needs. That's the last thing you need as well.
There's another secret that we both know too.
This one is between just you and I. I won't tell your wife what it is. I won't tell her the fact that she feels "you've changed" since you first met is because that's who you were all along. I won't tell her that you felt SO BAD about yourself that you pulled out all the stops to gain her trust and make a relationship. I won't tell her that you've been lying since day one.
It wouldn't do either one of you any good anyways.
So, my dear Warrior, what's it going to be? Are you going to gain control of your life and get the assistance to have a happy wife and a happy life? Or are you going to keep living a lie?
You wife wants to know. And so do I.
Love Always,
Leilani
